On Love and Lies
Not too long ago I found out my ex had a kid. Yes, a kid — one he never told me about during our relationship. And when I found out, I quite literally found out for myself. He never told me, but I discovered it through a social media post, then asked him about it.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love children, but I’m not ready to have any, much less take care of someone else’s. I’m 19 and living at home. I still feel like a child myself.
He wasn’t honest with me about something that’s a big part of his life, and if we were to be long-term, it would be a big part of my life too. And that hurt.
While his action was not an outward lie, it was an omission of truth which at times, can be equated to dishonesty. There were so many opportunities for him to bring it up. Why did he keep it from me?
Did he think it would scare me away? I hope that isn’t the impression I gave him. In truth, I wish he would have been upfront about it earlier. The lie made me feel as if I did not know him as I thought. Finding out this news unlocked another side of his world that I was excluded from.
How often do we lie to our partners?
In a survey of 2,100 people, 73.4 percent of people in relationships admitted to having lied to their partner to keep their relationship healthy.
Why do we lie to our partners?
Because sometimes the truth is a little too difficult or a little too uncomfortable. We prefer the lie. And maybe your partner would too. But, allow me to make the case for honesty.
Why we should be honest with our partners
It’s how we show love
Love is more than just an emotion. It can be physical too. And a part of love is honesty. When you lie, you are robbing the other person of the right to the truth. And would we really want to steal anything from the people that we love? What about something as precious as the truth?
We are often open with people we love in trust. If you can’t do that in the relationship then what does that say about the relationship?
It’s the right thing to do
We should tell the truth when we can, even if it means causing tension momentarily in the relationship. If you are always honest, you are making room for a healthier relationship in the long run.
Lying creates ripples and compromises your trustworthiness. And you definitely don’t want your partner not to trust you.
It allows for a closer relationship
The more open you are, the better the relationship will be. An honest relationship is like tying your heartstrings to those of your partner. There won’t be room for a lot of secrets.
Your partner will know you better if you are honest, and you won’t have to go through the trouble of hiding things. And then the whole debacle of them finding out what you are hiding would be avoided too.
Imagine having someone in your life you can tell anything to. That’s what honesty looks like in a relationship.
Now, if you are sitting there thinking you can’t tell your partner about something in particular, it may be beneficial to really evaluate that relationship. And if you are with someone and you feel like you have to hide a part of yourself from them, it may be beneficial to think about why that is.
Are you afraid they will judge you? If so, maybe they aren’t the one.
In truth, we’ll never know everything about our partners, but we should know the big things and things that will concern us. Honesty is an amazing way to show love and respect for your partner and has the potential to make your relationship stronger. They don't say “honesty is the best policy” for nothing.